Who is going to give consequences to their buddies? Buddies watch each other’s backs; they don’t hold each other accountable and create discipline. They try to avoid consequences.
When parents get stuck in the buddy trap, they create a permissive parenting system. Their children then miss out on the learning that occurs through discipline and consequences. Then when kids become teenagers, parents are out of options.
Being the Parent, Not a Buddy
Parents have two choices: Be the parent now and the buddy later. Or be the buddy now and the parent forever. When parents discipline their children as they grow, their children gain the skills and confidence to become independent young adults.
This tool will focus on how parents can make the “Six Adjustments for Parents of Teens.” Teenage is the time for parents to step up their support. Parents can really be there when their sons and daughters need them the most.
Workshop five of Parenting Partners encourages parents to “Be the Parent Now!” Take a look at “Parents Ignore the Polls” on page 5.9 of the Parenting Partners book and “Be the Parent Now or Later” on page 5.10.
THE LEARNING ADVANTAGE
Asset #2 Family Communication — Only 28% of 6-12 graders report that they seek advice and counsel from parents.
This workshop gets parents actively engaged with their teens. Parents get off the sidelines and into the game!
They talk to their teens more, bringing essential guidance and direction during the precise time that teens are undergoing rapid changes in the executive center of their brains — the prefrontal cortex. During that time teens need help in decision making — discerning who they should trust, how to use their time, etc.
During this time teens need their parents more than ever. Skillful parents stand up to the challenge and provide guidance, even though the popular culture is telling them to back off.
Many of our Parenting Partners Facilitators tell the same story:
“My teen daughter called from her friend’s house, asking to stay out later. I said no, and could hear her telling her friends how mean I was. Evidentially I was the only parent to say no. I was the most unreasonable parent in town.
“When she came home she said was happy I said no because the friends were going out to drink. She just needed me to be the bad guy so she could save face with her friends.”
So by getting parents more engaged with their young people’s lives and academic life this skill builds Asset #2 Family Communication and Asset #6 Parent Involvement in Schooling.
It also builds young people’s capacity for Planning & Decision Making (Asset #32).
Copyright © 2013 by Positive Parents Inc. All rights reserved.